I have Mother’s Day dilemma for you.
I have been married for nearly a year but my husband & I were together for three years before we got married.
My problem is my mother-in-law. She hates me. She hates that I am a “city girl”, I work too much, my heels are too high, I am always dressed up (I have a corporate job), I speak like a white girl, etc. She loves my husband’s ex-wife, a true southern girl that grew up in the same small town as my MIL and also cheated on her son while he was deployed fighting for our country. But I digress...
She has disliked me for the past three years and I have kissed her butt for the past three years trying to get her to accept me. I am over it now.
My dilemma: Mother’s Day is coming up and I am planning on sending her a card from our family. Am I obligated to do more since my husband deployed and cannot do something himself? By the way, he has not asked me to do anything.
Any suggestions?
Thanks!
Sincerely,
So-Over-It
14 comments:
You are not obligated to do more if you don't usually do more. If you have children, it may be nice for her to see them.
I don't think you need to kiss anyone's butt but I do think you need to be civil as this is your husband's mother. Ultimately he wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. Equally she has to be civil to you as you are married to her son. If she doesn't fulfill her end of the bargain, who cares?
Just put on your cutest heels and take the children over :)
Hi!
We all have those MIL issues! lol! I would send her a nice bouquet of flowers. Have them delivered. It is a little more than a card and appropriate for Mother's Day. Sorry you are going through this.
xoxo
I agree with Jc. Do about as much as you would do for your MIL if your husband was here. Don't go out of your way for her if she continues to treat you the way she has. If sending a card is what you've done in the past, then do just that. Maybe send some flowers if you want to do a little extra but your husband will appreciate that you did anything at all, and your MIL won't have anything to complain about because you at least thought about her on Mother's Day
I totally co-sign on all 3 responses. If you would normally send a card if your husband were home, send a card. And sending flowers would be a nice touch.
Have you ever tried to have a sit-down w/your MIL (and maybe even w/your husband present as a third party)? It maybe worth a try to clear the air since you are going to be in each other's lives for some time to come. If she doesn't want to talk (or change) then leave things be. At least you know you sincerely tried.
But please, definitely don't kiss ass! She either likes you or doesn't. Be your sincere self. She'll have to take it or leave it. Going over the top w/it prob only adds fuel to her flame...
When my Grandmother comes to visit our family the first person she asks about is my dad's first wife . He has been married twice since then and only married to her for 6 months and they have no children together. My parents have been Married close to 35 years now. Point is she may NEVER get over her ex-in-law but that doesn't mean one day she won't grow to love you just as much or more. If you don't have children, your relationship with her may change when you do. I know you're tired of the butt kissing but I agree with the other ladies, somthing like a $30 vase of flowers may melt that cold heart and give you peace with her. Small sacrafice right?
I've never understood buying gifts for women who aren't your own mother in the first place. I don't think that you are really obligated to give her anything, whether she is nice to you or not. Send her a card and call it a day. Concentrate on your own Momma! When Mother-IN-LAW Day comes around, then worry! LOL
Thank you soooo much ladies for the fantastic advice. She lives in another state so I don't have to see her and my husband & I don't have kids together (we aren't planning to either). I am going to follow your advice and send her a card, some flowers and call it a day. I don't know why I was getting so worked up about it anyway. I can't make her like me.
Wes,
I appreciate you posting my dilemma.
Ladies,
I appreciate the advice. LOL @ Kinky Kandake, MIL's Day!
Thanks!
No matter what you do, she will not like it or you. This is a big problem, with her not accepting who you are. Unfortunely, she will continue to treat you like this until her dislike for you is confronted face to face. Preferable by your husband, because she will probably dismiss anything you have to say. But if her actions are brushed under the rug she does not have to take responsiblities for her actions. Trust me I know, I actually confronted my MIL and she may not like me but she does to my face to avoid that akward conversation. I know this was not your question but if you talk to her it can't get any worst, right? She won't like, which she already does with you being nice. Just my two cents.
Hubby told you not to do anything..don't do anything. She's not your mother.. and if she loves a girl who cheated on her son - she's doesn't care too much for your hubby either. Ignore her - do you and keep it moving.
I'm praying for your hubby's safe return!
Treat her as you would treat your own mama. If you send your mom flowers then send her some too. That's what I do...I just treat them the same. But you do NOT have to kiss her azz..lol Sign the card from the _____ Family so she will know u made the effort and call it a day.
Man I would send that heffa a card & keep it pushing....Quit kissing her ass & tell her you aint taking her shit no more & she will see you in a whole new light.You're already married so you know you're not going anywhere so you got nothing to lose.
Good Luck! Its so easy to dislike someone that hates you but it shows some real courage to love them in spite of it. Your man will appreciate you THAT much more.
I love what Miss Pretty wrote! I am a firm believer that one should act and live with good intentions. So no matter what happens you know that you are a good person.
Sign the card, "May God keep you and bless you, is our prayer. Happy Mother's Day from all of us!"
Give the envelope a lick and a stamp and keep stepping. Don't waste your energy on her negative. Concentrate on your positive.
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