Dear HBS,
I've had my eye on this guy that works in the same office building I work in for about 6 months now. He's tall, dark and extremely handsome, dresses like he just stepped out of GQ (think Lamman Rucker). We've been on the elevator together a few times, I didn't see a wedding band so I'm assuming he may be available. My problem is that I don't know how to approach him! I feel so intimidated by his good looks. Don't get me wrong though, I'm a cute girl I just feel like he might be out of my league if that makes sense (I'm 23, a recent college grad and I'm pretty sure he's well into his 30's). I've never been intimidated by a man before, so this is a weird feeling (never even thought it was possible).
My question is, how can I approach him without seeming desperate, over-anxious and/or immature?
I never imagined a man could have me doubting my own level of confidence!
Sincerely,
Scaredy Cat
PS- Here's a pic of Lamman (in case you don't know!)...
10 comments:
Girl, I've had this problem before, how often do you see him? If its more than once you can establish a flirty relationship, say hi one day shoot him a smile. Then another time ask him how was his weekend, then you can ask him out. If you are limited in time tell him the truth you saw around and you thought he was attractive. You don't even have to ask him out, if he's interested he'll ask you. Men respect honesty, and when you approach them they feel flattered.
good gawd, Lamman! *swoon*
...umm what was the problem again??
my mother always told me that if a man wants you he will make the first move. now we ARE in the 21st century and maybe he is just as afraid as you are. so if you are really willing to make a jump, just strike up friendly convo. nothing serious, weather chat, or o nice outfit blah blah blah. if he IS interested he will let it be known once you open this door. this way you won't seem desperate and you won't really put your neck out there. it may take a few elevator chats but trust me it will place you in a position where he will see your interest.
good luck and happy hunting.
tnt
You can always start by breaking the ice slowly. "Good morning" is always a nice start. And you can compliment him on his shoes or something. I'm sure you'll end up chatting from there.
I am going through the exact same thing! I am 22 and the guy is 29. I see him almost everyday and I've been working here for 9 months. The past couple of weeks we've started conversing longer and longer. BUT only because I took the initiative to start talking by asking questions like "how is your day going?" or "how was your weekend?". [Mind you now, I am not the talkative type at all. I dont know where the boldness came from!] He is really starting to open up. He stops by my cubicle to check on me and I think thats cool...because at one time he'd just speak and keep walking. I still dont know how/if we're going to ever hang out, but I'll just play the waiting game.
Okay, enough of my rambling! But just show interest and hopefully it will be shown back :)
ive been here before sweet peach...i had a crush on this dude in high school, fits the same description as your dude..tall (very tall), dark (very dark) and handsome (very handsome). and i was intimidated as well. he just looked like one of those dudes that had it all together, and seemed like he would only date "grown" women..he was slightly older than me, but not by much. anyways yearslater after high school we hooked up and started talking (still together today) turns out he had a crush on me as well back in high school (go figure). so my point is no need to be intimidated cause at the end of the day he just like every other man (and i mean that in all the good ways and all the bad lol). but im old school, the man is supposed to seek the woman. i say just flirt a little to let him know your interested. like a bashful smile when your in the elevator or something. and let him approach you. cause if he is a real man he wont have a problem doing so anyways.
good luck!!!
What were we talking about again? I'm still on Lamman. That is suuuuch a beautiful man.
I agree with the idea of complimenting him. That is ALWAYS the easiest way to talk to someone. That and humor. Make a joke how funky the elevator smells. Or how it is taking 298 years for it to get to the next floor. That may be little too dramatic but you know what I mean. Everyone loves people who have a healthy dose of confidence and you seem to know that you are a pretty lady so go for it!
...before some other chick does.
Honestly this is what works. First it's hard but really pretend like he's a normal guy and put that in your head because that will make you more comfortable to talk to him. Then just make sure you speak to him everyday like say hi or how are you today or you can just ask him how long he worked for the company. Then if you know anything about sports incorporate that it always work. Football season is coming up so touch up on that. The main thing is to have little conversations with him (i mean little make it short) until he gets comfortable enough to start talking to you. It worked for me.
Ah, I guess I'm just
old-fashioned. I just feel if he is at least somewhat interested he would let you know some kind of way. Has he even looked in your direction or said hello? I guess times are changing, but it always feels nice to be pursued by a nice looking man instead of chasing after one. Also, be wary of guys that are too much older. Eventually he may try to act like your daddy. Lol. (Been there. Done that.)
LOL!No one is TOO good for anyone else, so work on that.
How about the approachless approach: Do you know where he works? Do you have an acquaintance or can you get an acquaintance that works there to give you the 411 on this guy? If he's that attractive, he's worth doing a little detective work for(no stalking though).Plus, it will let you know if he's waste of time. he may not wear a ring, but he might be engaged or in along term relationship. Better to find that out up front then get your feelings hurt later on.
Without too much notice, if at all, you can get a pretty good information informally from co-workers friends and building tenants, especially if he is as attractive as Lamman.
From there you'll feel more comfortable in saying hello and starting a conversation based on what he likes, his interests or his occupation. GOOD LUCK!!
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