It's that time of the week again! Let's see how we can help a honey out...
Dear HBS,
I went to law school, and unfortunately, I failed out in between my 2nd and 3rd year. I did graduate with a Masters degree, and I do have a legal job at a law firm. I am not a practicing attorney though. I have struggled a lot the past two years trying to figure out what to do with myself, and if I want to continue my education. My mother, has pretty much lied to my entire extended family about me being a lawyer, which makes it so much worse. She boasts to everyone that I'm an attorney! Every family gathering we have, someone asks me about being a lawyer, or if I can help them with something, and I have to tell them that I am not a lawyer. I hate that I basically have to call my mom a liar, and I don't know how to make her stop. I'm not ashamed of myself or the person I've become. I don't know why my mother is? I wish I had finished school and started my career the way I had imagined, but things happen. How do I confront my mother and get her to stop lying? How do I deal with all the questions from my family without making my mother look bad?
How would you handle this?
Best,
L.J.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
I'm not sure what kind of answer you're looking for, but you must confront your mother, in as loving of a manner as possible, and explain to her that she is doing more damage than good by perpetrating a lie! Explain to her that you are proud of who you are and would like for her to be too, but in the mean time you would like her to be honest to people about your profession. Pray about it before hand. Hope that helps, God bless!
Why is your mother telling everyone that you are a lawyer, does she not know your situation or is she stalling until you do become a lawyer? I would say to just confront her and fully tell her your situation and why she should stop, because it puts you in a tough situation. I also am a law student about to start my last year (3rd) and i am very unsure about if i would like to continue. It is made harder by my mother also boasting to friends and family about me being in law school and it makes it much harder for me because I feel conflicted. I feel like I will be such a huge dissapointment if I drop out. My point is, it is hard enough dealing with uncertainty and being in the position that you are in and now made harder by your mother. You do not need that, and tell her to stop because if anything you need her support. As for your family members, without revealing everything, you can just let them know that there has been some changes and confusion and just clarify to the extent you wish, without making your mom out to be a liar. Wish you the best.
It sounds like there needs to be a greater conversation with your mom because it sounds like she hasn't accepted who you are quite yet. I personally have 2 older sisters and a father who is a doctor, all doctors and it took my father over 4 years to understand I am going to be a lawyer. Its hard to live life without supportive parents. A parent that sees you fall and helps you up is better than one who calls that fall flying. I don't fault your mom because all parents want to see their kids succeed. But creating this awkwardness isn't going to be conducive to you moving forward.
Also, understand that people fail out of school all the time. Use this as an opportunity to hone in on exactly what you want out of life and if law is exactly what you want to do. For example I have friends who want to go into policy reform and thought they needed to go to law school but there are so many other avenues.
Good luck hun!
Deeply Rooted ==> http://missdeeplyrooted.blogspot.com/
Be proud of your achievements. If you are not, then go back to law school. If you are then start living your real life and enjoy your success, not many people can say that they have a Masters degree. Jobs right now do not come easy.....you have a lot to celebrate
Wow. Several years ago I had a similar situation. At the end of my first semester of law school, I was dismissed and required to petition for readmission. My petition was successful, I completed my law school education and today I am a practicing attorney.
The way you handle the situation is by speaking honestly regarding your status in law school. Tell your mother that you are not going to hide the truth and that she should follow suit or run the risk of looking very silly once friends and family find out that she is not speaking truthfully.
It is great to hear that you are not ashamed of yourself. Why would you be anyway? The fact that you matriculated into law school, with so much competition today, speaks volumes about your abilities.
Lastly, if you truly want to be a lawyer, then go back and finish what you started.
Best of luck!
I have to say, I wholeheartedly agree with the majority of the commenters here - Talk to your mom. Let her know how you feel when she "lies". I know most of our parents have these high expectations for us and when we veer a little off the beaten path, they start to panic and lose faith in US. If it is in your plans to go back and finish law school, do it (on your time and for YOURself - Don't be pressured)! But in the meantime, let Mom know how you really feel.
This may sound redundant but everyone here so far is correct. Have a heart to heart with your Mom. But before you do, have a heart to heart with YOURSELF. Know what it is that you want first so you can be clear and strong when you talk to your mother about what you want for YOUR life.
I went to law school, graduated, worked for prestigious lawyers and had my own practice, but I'm NOT HAPPY. I did it because I thought it would make my parents proud. If I could turn back the clock, I would have chosen to go into what I always wanted to do which was writing. Now it seems impossible to pursue it with children, bills, law school loans up the wahoo, when those realities have to be dealt with. Live your life for YOU. Your Mom can't live it for you. Find what makes you happy and do it. For you!
in my experience, it's better to let someone know how their actions make you feel than to tell them to stop lying or stop doing this or that. people respond more to emotions than commands. let her know that when she says that you're an attorney, it makes you feel as though you're not proud of you and the accomplishments you've made so far. i'm pretty sure that she'll back track and apologize and put the breaks on her actions. if anything, this may spark healthy dialogue between the two of you so she can ask you quesitons about why you didn't finish or what's going on in your life.
i don't agree that you need to have it all figured out before you go to your mom. she's the person you should always be able to go to even if you don't have it all figured out. you are young and if being a lawyer isn't high on your priority list then that's ok. not everyone has it all figured out at 20, 30, 40 or even 50-100. this is your life and your journey.
Post a Comment